We interrupt our country’s political clown-shoe fitting to bring you the NHL Western Conference Finals! This is the first time I’ve made an effort to watch anything other than an elimination game in years. Broadcast hockey annoys me.

Subliminally, I associate my love of hockey with that of my former lover: alcohol. Not that I needed an excuse to drink back then, but it’s a law, right? Are you allowed to watch a professional sporting playoff series without embibing a brew or ten? This feels unnatural in sobriety.

Still, it beats the heck out of zombie watching CNN.

It’s the second intermission and the Dallas Stars are down by two. The Edmonton Oilers were our playoff nemesis in the late 90’s/early 2000’s. It almost feels like I’m a ghost in the corner watching over a version of myself which no longer exists. Me 3.0 would hate Me 4.0, and that’s not a bad thing. I still hate commercials; maybe now more than ever. They remind me of modern politics; full of nothing but lies attempting to sell me something.

Old-Man Me would much rather take a nap and dream of better-hockey-gone-by. Whatever helps keep the Liberty Mutual marketing team away. That “Bibberty” dude pisses me off.

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon. Go Stars! Maybe in the next life, I’ll stay the same person the entire time. Also, I’d like to try being a chick for once. The societal norm to shave one’s face is worse than politics and bad hockey combined.

I’ll be damned. A goal. Rebelions are built on hope…