The Gonzo Wolf

The annual Dallas deep-freeze…

Last time I saw this much white, it took a dump in The Capitol Rotunda.

My city is eerily silent, which is better than what I can say for others on this evening.

Where are the Pepaws?

Where are the Daddies?

Where are the weird, war-wounded Uncles who freaked out at Thanksgiving screaming the lyrics to “Fortunate Son” on your niece’s toy karaoke machine?

Where are all the big, bad mother fuckers who’ve terrorized neighborhoods for years like they’d signed with Bad Boy?

Too soon?

Slick pun, though.

Baby Oil.

Digression is me is digression.

You know what I mean.

Where’s the NRA?

Where’s anyone?

Superman, like every other fictional savior, isn’t coming to save us.

Oh, they’ll try like a son-of-a-bitch, but they’ll fail.

We’re beyond saving, and weren’t worth the flinch at the fail-safe.

We just slid past the Windmill; Clara or Marty?

This is uncharted territory for the United States, or at least it’s interpreted as such by those in the nose-bleed tax-brackets.

We, as a manipulative AF world super power, have run this playbook a number of times in other countries.

Never could we have guessed those were all dry runs for when they secured home ice.

Just once, I’d like to wake, scroll, and have dick to write.

We can’t stop the Saturday Morning Cartoon Villains from their borderline comedic world-domination shenanigans.

If we unanimously accepted that as fact, is there a chance they could just shut up about it?

“Shenan” a little quieter?

I’ve developed a nervous tick when I hear him speak, and I have three ex-wives.

I’d rather listen to them harmonize hits from a 2 Live Crew Christmas Album with giddiness and glee.

It’s not political; it’s his vocal cadence.

A decade of EVP research, and I’ve never heard anything like it.

Trump is an alien; malfunctioning.

It’s the only logical overall envelope explanation.

The Cliff’s Notes.

I just geared up and helped a stranger stuck in the snow at 10:15pm.

All of us freezing balls; none of us the same race.

Any human would do that, wouldn’t they?

That’s why he’s a fucking alien.