I know I’ve gotten quite a few new followers throughout the social media-sphere, and some of them are realizing it was a mistake.
I’ve been OFFICIALLY (certified letter; congregation’s signatures) excommunicated from the Christian faith. It’s not just a cleaver name. I am Reverend (ordained by a Seattle church in 2015 to perform marriages and funerals; because my hometown JP’s publicly denied their federal duties by banning their involvement in same-sex marriage ceremonies) Dare (my mother’s nickname for me; short for Dereick) Cloud (my last name since my marriage in 2019).
My religious preferences land somewhere between atheist & naturalist. I worship the energies of the planet, basically. Some would call that god, and that’s cool. I don’t.
I despise organized religion (It’s been flaunted in the faces of the poor since the dawn of time, spreading nothing but war and death), and believe it should be more of a private thing; kind of how political beliefs were before the invention of the imaginary social media shield.
I avoid none more than good old southern Christianity. I’ve been discarded by family members for bucking it, and the members of the responsible church still avert their eyes and ignore me when we meet in public. It’s been over twenty years now.
So, when some of you think “oh, that’s silly; you can come to my church,”; don’t. To ask me to ignore the extremely official and meticulously delivered excommunication announcement would erase your own beliefs. Seriously; if the Christian god is everything his believers claim, then I’m upholding and respecting your beliefs by simply not going.
Now, here’s where it gets tricky. NO ONE I’ve encountered in this country – and I’ve been everywhere there is to go in the continental United States – has heard of an official Protestant excommunication since the late 1800’s (basically the old west). I was excommunicated in 2005; over a century later.
If my thinking is correct, I’m the chosen one; or something. The one holding the fabric of Christianity together for the sake of mobile-home mankind. You’re welcome.
This shit didn’t turn out too well for Anakin Skywalker, so the REAL believers should protect me at all costs. Monetary donations aren’t such a bad idea either. Lemme know if you need my PayPal. We can call it a virtual collection plate if it makes you feel any better.
On the serious, I don’t hate Christians. I tried it, read the book, and they kicked me out for hooking up with a brown chick. She was Native, but was unaware of her heritage at the time. She introduced herself as middle-eastern, and I guess American God wasn’t into that a mere four years after 9/11.
Look, I know I jest about some of this, but it’s basically all I can do to keep my sanity at this point. Before you react to what you’ve just read, and if you’re an avid church-goer, I want you to think about it for a moment. Put yourself in my shoes.
I was seriously getting home from Disneyland (I live in Texas) when I checked the mail containing a condemnation to Hell signed by a few dozen influential people in my old community; some of them close family. I haven’t been the same person since. Would you be?
Then, eight years later, I had a stroke. I’m seriously new to myself, to be honest. It’s interesting. I learn more about myself everyday!
Yes, I loathe religion (I think my feelings are well validated), but that doesn’t mean I loathe YOU. No, that decision comes later when you choose to personally disrespect me over something you could never possibly comprehend. Some of you reading this will agree, and some of you reading this are already into your retort letter.
Seen it all; heard it all.
Anyway, I’ve reposted this as a courtesy to my newer followers. I won’t be mad if you unsubscribe or stop following me. Personal beliefs are important, and I’d expect you to turn away if your convictions were truly heartfelt. I feel the same, and I can respect that. The question is…
Can you?
As I’ve come to grips with my own mortality, my lifelong, ignored mental health, and a better perspective on my past, I’ve lost about 95% of everything and everyone I’ve ever known. It’s a bit of a mind-job sometimes, but it’s still better than begging to go back to church.
I’ve still got my money on aliens.
Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon. I know this could hurt book sales and whatnot, but not once have I ever did this for the money. I like telling stories to interested people. Everyone else gets brutal honesty and secret elevator farts.
I truly do love those who’ve stuck with me. I hope I can make you proud someday.
Or then there’s this…
100% no bullshit.
The man who was the driving force behind my official excommunication fell off a tractor and into a shredder/mower. He survived until he sat up. His brain fell out.
I just can’t be sad about that. 50 years of useless Bible knowledge spilled onto his own fields as repayment for his secret wrongdoings (he was an old, southern farmer who I’d witnessed turn away more than his fair share of colored individuals seeking assistance. He sure helped out the mirror, though; and that year’s harvest).
Don’t worry; I’m reading up on how to get a grip on my voodoo…
To most, 1865 was an eye-opening year. The American Civil War was officially over and the soldiers fortunate enough to survive the bloody conflict returned home to collect the pieces of their former lives. To young Arizonan, Robert Jack, the fateful desert homecoming marked the end to all he once knew. Forgiveness is overrated. Death is final. Revenge, however, dances between the fine lines of mortality and eternity. Love always finds a way.
“Reading Jim Walker and the Redemption Hymn is equal parts quirky fun and riveting action. Cloud’s confident, entertaining voice draws the reader in like an old radio western: the perfect bite-sized story with a main character you’re ready to follow through every adventure he finds himself on. So, tune in next time…”
– Megan Stockton, author of Lovely, Dark & Deep
The history books would read that Jim Walker was brutally executed after the Battle of Goliad, but a few promises in the right ear blurred the contrast between blood and ink. Now an aging bounty hunter on the verge of retirement, his services are requested in the Northern Arizona Territory to solve the terrifying mystery of the Verde River Massacre. With guns from a local Deputy, courage from a saloon proprietor, and a deathbed confession from an all-too-familiar Medicine Woman, Jim sets off on what could be his final adventure. Will he lay the ghosts of his past to rest once and for all, or is he simply whistling his Redemption Hymn?
“Someone call DC and tell them this is how you write a female hero character!” – Lisa Lee Tone, Bibliophelia Templum
Angel Burns is a young firefighter with a shrouded history. During a routine night at work, she stumbles upon a demonic ceremony that brings her memories out of hiding – as well as her repressed supernatural powers. Angel soon learns her life was intended for things greater than extinguishing fires for mortals. Now on the payroll of the Vatican, Angel embarks upon an epic quest to protect the Gutenberg Bibles from evil. If successful, she will secure peace for generations. If she fails, the power of the ancient books will bestow an eternity of darkness upon all humanity!
Toby Liberman is nearing the end of his rope. After a fateful confrontation with his wife’s lover, he is chased into the woods only to be discovered by an unidentifiable creature. He is attacked and rendered unconscious. Upon waking at the scene of a gruesome triple homicide, Toby is arrested as the sole suspect and thrown into a jail cell with a strange man that knows way too much about his predicament. The stranger reveals to Toby that he now possesses the curse of the werewolf. Using his new-found strength to flee his captors, Toby begins to discover that things are not what they seem in the sleepy town of Twin Oaks, TX. Now hunted by law enforcement, as well as the town’s gun toting civilians, Toby seeks vengeance against his false accusers and embarks upon a quest to clear his name once and for all.
A Curse Beyond Comprehension. A Power Beyond Belief. A Girl Far From Home. Katie Liberman is your typical eighteen-year-old college student…or at least that’s what her family thinks. Picking up five years after the events of A Taste of Home, Katie has dropped out of school and embarked upon a dangerous quest to find Kurt Jimmerson, the New York City attorney responsible for her family’s werewolf curse. Unknown to her, the attorney’s grip on the ‘City That Never Sleeps’ is tighter than imagined and she’ll need any and all help available to be victorious. But… where do you find friends when you’re Far From Home?
Twin Oaks, Texas is at war! Taking place immediately after the Far From Home events in New York City, Katie Liberman has returned to rescue her birthplace from the clutches of her nemesis. As the paranormal battle of North vs. South rages in the shadows, the tiny town must decide to fight against the odds or become one with the darkness. Blood will be shed and only one will survive as the final battle of the Home Series concludes.
I know this is the part where I’m supposed to talk about the book, but I feel as though the synopsis needs its own preface to truly understand. 2023 was quite an eye-opening year! I began it by living my dream as a vintage steam locomotive fireman, but that dream was soon squashed thanks to my writing career. It won’t matter that you wrote your extreme horror offerings years ago and under a pen name. Also, it won’t matter that your publisher and author friends from days gone by express pleasantries and kind, nurturing words to your face, because they’ll clique-up and talk trash the minute you turn your back. F**k the biz, create. Create for art, not clicks. Click for love, not hate. Those are words true artists should have no issues living by, yet most seem to hide behind their keyboard shields, flinging ill-thought words of destruction toward once-trusted ears. Don’t pour something into everything; pour everything into something. Do it all by yourself if necessary. With any luck, 2024 will be the year of The Reverend. I’m not exactly sure what that means yet, but we’ll find out together. Anyway, here are a few short stories and poems I wrote as C. Derick Miller in 2023. I stole them from myself. Fair and square. Enjoy.
Poetry has always come naturally to me. Whether it is an expression of emotion toward someone I care about, or a display of humor pointed in the direction of those I loathe, it is my true outlet. Several of these works were written in a passenger seat while exploring the highways of the United States and somehow managed to survive “The Great Ex-Wife/Ex-Girlfriend Poetry Purge” of 2019. Others were penned during COVID-19 quarantine. Although it may not be the most epic poetry collection you’ve ever read, it all contains bits of blood and soul. You will feel something. Guaranteed.
“This profound collection of horror brings classic monsters into new light in the modern day” – B.L. Blankenship, God Walks The Dark Hills series.
The modern world is a crazy place. Worrying about childish politicians, empty grocery store shelves, and our pending membership to the “global disease of the week” club, it leaves very little time for the average reader to finish an entire novel. This is where Six from Five Seven: Short Stories from a Short Man comes in clutch! A story per day to keep the impending apocalypse away, with a single day left over to contemplate why you purchased this book in the first place. That sounds like an entertaining week when compared to the one you were destined to have regardless. What do a cursed husband, a privileged brat, a curious prostitute, a repressed savior, a vengeful son, and two hell-bound soldiers have in common? Their stories lie within the pages of this collection and invite you to tag along on their journeys of fate, redemption, and demise. When finished, you, dear reader, can hide this book inside your basement with the rest of those important documents you wished you’d never taken home. The FBI won’t be happy, but at least they’ll know you’re a cool person for owning a copy while conducting the raid. That must count for something, right? Let’s hope the judge thinks so!
Also, there’s a few other things not listed here that are floating around out there. Best of luck with the hunt.
Current Projects
Rev. Dare Cloud
Reverend · adjective. worthy of adoration or reverence. synonyms: sublime · sacred.
is a Dallas author, musician, and gonzo journalist. Some of his works include the controversial splatter-western Starving Zoe (written as C. Derick Miller), the Taste of Home trilogy, and the ongoing Jim Walker series. He is also the co-host of the American Justice Podcast and Senior Writer/Junior Producer for AtuA Productions LLC. His literary crushes are (of course) Hunter S. Thompson, J.D. Salinger, and Kevin Smith. Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.
“You’ve got to press it on you You’ve just been thinking That’s what you do, baby Hold it down, Dare!” – Gorillaz
The Gonzo Wolf 
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