And now, Mutual of Omaha’s MAGA Safari.

Today, we’re in Rockwall, Texas; the closest home to the aquatic breed of Maga-ots. On a clear weekend, you can see their watercraft hopping waves to the tune of YMCA with their pedo flags blowing in the breeze (To the uninformed, that song has been a homosexual pride anthem for almost 50 years. Nothing wrong with that as long as you’re not a gay-basher).

Typically, these same people would just open a snack bar at a high school football game or begin a church youth group – whatever it takes – to give these children the KMART treatment, otherwise known as the “little boy’s pants half-off” play.

You can identify these creatures via their red hats and misspelled social media rants, but today is different. They’re shirtless and intoxicated on the water, hoping their orange messiah takes notice of their shiny, erect nipples and gives them the suntan lotion rub-down in which they’ve repeatedly fantasized.  Always be aware of the Bubba Boat Pedo Patrol whenever visiting areas beyond the borders of major cities in the United States of America.

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Also, don’t forget your book!

Today’s offering?

The Dime Western Returns!

“Reading Jim Walker and the Redemption Hymn is equal parts quirky fun and riveting action. Cloud’s confident, entertaining voice draws the reader in like an old radio western: the perfect bite-sized story with a main character you’re ready to follow through every adventure he finds himself on. So, tune in next time…”

– Megan Stockton, author of Lovely, Dark & Deep

The history books would read that Jim Walker was brutally executed after the Battle of Goliad, but a few promises in the right ear blurred the contrast between blood and ink. Now an aging bounty hunter on the verge of retirement, his services are requested in the Northern Arizona Territory to solve the terrifying mystery of the Verde River Massacre. With guns from a local Deputy, courage from a saloon proprietor, and a deathbed confession from an all-too-familiar Medicine Woman, Jim sets off on what could be his final adventure. Will he lay the ghosts of his past to rest once and for all, or is he simply whistling his Redemption Hymn?

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McDonalds: a haiku

I could see the fear

In the eyes of the brown girl

Who brought me these fries

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When you set a sales record at a convention, but most of the other authors won’t make eye contact, Holden Caulfield would approve of your badassery. Phonies have tickled the testicles of the masses, and obviously quite well.

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