For decades, Dallas and Portland, Oregon have battled back and forth for the title of “Strip Club King of the United States”. For the last decade, Portland has held that title proudly, and it doesn’t appear to show any signs of rolling over.

Dallas, finally realizing it was defeated, grabbed what they could and moved forward. It’s obviously the “strange-looking church in the hood” king of America and a new one seems to open every week like a Subway or payday loan office. Isn’t this throwing some zoning obstacles into the faces of the city council folks who have millions tied up in Dallas real estate gentrification?

In hindsight, these two things have tons in common.

I’ve seen both organizations flourish in formerly empty residential properties with wheelchair ramps and bars on the windows. Also, with both, you’re being duped into believing in something you can never have no matter how much money you throw at it.

By this logic, strip clubs are the churches of the Pacific Northwest, and I’m behind it one hundred percent. They’re just dangling it in our faces knowing damn well there’s no touching allowed. Always at arm’s length and moving in the opposite direction.

Personally, I’ve always thought strip clubs had the better music, but I have to be fair. I’ve dated my fair share of strippers, but never preachers. They have a tendency to be a little too “hands-y”.

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon. Have a wonderful Monday. Don’t hate me because I’m right. (wink)