And it’s my favorite time of year. Not just for the spooky stuff, but for the fact I can leave the house in comfort. My days of sweating profusely ended when I retired from the fine art biz.

I may miss New England autumn more than anything. I have some great retro cold weather clothing that hasn’t seen the light of day in nearly a decade. The positive side to that is that I can still wear clothes from a decade ago. I haven’t lost, but I haven’t gained. Winning?

I own a decent amount of costumes from years of book conventions. I also live in a weekend party neighborhood. The wife and I like to cosplay for the drunks from time to time. It’s as fun as it sounds, but impossible nine months out of the year. You’ll die from heat exhaustion! Halloween is hit or miss in Dallas, weather-wise.

To boot, I LOVE busking in Bishop Arts, but I hate for it to feel like a gymnasium workout. I actually had a Google tablet overheat on me out there in November. Maybe all the heat is revenge for it being a bad-tipping neighborhood. I’d be pissed about that if I were the sun. Respect.

The clouds flow like pond water, which doesn’t; at all. They await the metaphorical flag man to drop the green, only to wreck catastrophically in turn number two. Fall is a Texas myth. We get a handful of false starts, a couple of weeks of winter, and it’s Satan’s crotch all over again. I swear, this planet is truly a galactic soul-prison. Who tf would choose to live on such an unstable rock? Poons, that’s who.

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.