My birthday is just a few days away. 52. I expected to be dead twenty-two years ago. No reason, just southern irony.

Last year, on my birthday, I had my last soda. I claimed it as an early New Year’s resolution to see what the noticeable health benefits – if any – would be. I stuck by it. No cheating.

Results? Yet to be determined. I’ve noticed that I feel less bloated and much more flexible, but there hasn’t been any massive weight loss. I can’t tell, to be honest. My doctor says I’m healthy, I’m just built like a gorilla.

I even replaced the sweetness of soda with small, mixed fruit cups. The ones with no added sugar. Still no massive weight loss to be had. It’s all about portion size and denying modern society’s need for scheduling meals. All things in moderation, only the alchemists of the American food industry make the bad stuff addictive and the good stuff expensive. Pay the extra whenever you can. That’s my health advice, but I’m no expert.

Still, one soda on my birthday isn’t going to kill me any faster than walking outside and taking a deep breath of the Trinity River as it farts gently by…

So, what should I have?

All you soda lovers out there among the Reverend’s flock, if you could only have a single soda once per year on your birthday, which would it be?

I look forward to whichever one you decide.

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.

Happy Holidays.