Breathe.
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I screwed with an AI spam caller so much that it called be a daft bastard.
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What’s the longest trip you’ve ever taken? Road or drugs?
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How does your mindset affect your financial success? The only mindset you need is that our financial success has been regulated by politics, slavery/racism, and entitlement since the beginning of the United States. If you don’t have it, you’re not getting it. If you do get it, the modern day Crackers are coming for it.…
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If you could relive one year of your life, which one would it be? 2019. I’d tell you why, but that wasn’t the question. We can’t have nice things.
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What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done when no one was watching? Bravery can only be judged by others, otherwise we’d all be wearing medals with elaborate, exaggerated backstories. If no one sees it, it’s called life.
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What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised? Live.
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What’s the best thing you’ve ever found randomly on the street? Your mom. Burn.
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What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you? Put that 1973 coat hanger back on the rack. Did I mention I live in Texas? The coat hanger is real.
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If you could go back and witness any historical event, which one would you pick? As a disabled veteran who took an oath to defend this country from all enemies, both foreign and domestic, I’d say January 6th, 2021. I would run through the poons with a hockey stick, knocking out their one good tooth.…
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If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be and why? Is someone forcing me? Is it a scheduling thing? What’s my price range? Who’s paying? How many tattoos have you gotten? This is important!
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If you could erase one event from history, what would it be? June 14, 1946. Mary and Fred announced one they didn’t flush…
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How do you deal with uncertainty? I wait until I’m certain.
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What’s a moment when you realized you were officially an adult? Adulting is a frame of mind. There were times I felt more of an adult at age seven than age fifty-two. Most forget there’s even a switch. Yesterday, I was a childlike musician. Today, I’m grocery shopping. It’s a choice from moment to moment.
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None of them. Meeting other authors was the biggest mistake of my writing career.
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Sat and wrote half of a song this morning with covfefe. Then, I had an idea… Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.
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Preach. With that accent. I’ll believe anything you say.
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I’m not sure what this is. Sometimes they just sneak out. I’m sure there’s a medical term for it.
