The Gonzo Wolf

Peep this. I had the displeasure of suddenly meeting with a doctor this morning. The details are inconsequential.

Trump’s Venezuela presser was on television. He/She applauded it. I stood my ground and said my piece. He/She defended his/her beliefs until he/she was red in the face (the color of his/her favorite hat), but I turned the entire thing around into a comedy routine. The other person in the room found it quite comical as well.

My Jabba the Trump impression was on point.

By the end of the day, it’d reached my ears that, “I’m apparently a Satanist because I’m not a Republican, a Trump supporter, and I don’t go to church.”

To be clear, I was baptized as a member of the Church of Christ in 1983, and OFFICIALLY excommunicated in 2005. It’s not my fault I don’t go to church; it’s the fault of other Christians. Won’t I burst into flames if I step back onto holy ground? Why take that chance?

To doubt or absolve this excommunication would undermine the faith under which it exists, or at least it should. Those convictions were pretty damn strong in 2005, let me tell you. A lot of those signatures were familiar. If I place any belief whatsoever in the one and only true God, then I must respect the rules of the excommunication.

I don’t go to church for the sake of other Christians. My eternal selfless penance. Yep, doin’ it all for The Lord.

Anyway, this doctor’s name is plastered all over a low-income/illegal immigrant medical clinic, and he/she thinks it’s the greatest thing since Katie Sackoff first touched her tongue to the tip of her nose in the cockpit of a Viper during the pilot episode of Battlestar Galactica…

…but, he/she and his/her family are MAGA.

Where does HIPPA end and ICE begin?

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon. Return fire.

Update: my wife says I absolutely cannot stand in front of the doctor’s office in a demon costume and a sign explaining this “philanthropist” is a phony. Details available upon request to anyone willing to take my place.