The Gonzo Wolf

It’s days like these when I remember the words of my grandfather; a fine soul who braved the literal Black Cat Thicket and lived to tell the tales:

Make sure your tank’s full and get a good bill of groceries.

He knew, if he at least had both of those things as a solid foundation, then he, being who he knew he was as a person, could make a decent enough stand in the name of all he held dear.

My partner in all things magical, the great Cloudosaur herself, echoed those words of my kin via the Twitter-sphere; so we did.

The closest QT had begun its shenanigans because I nearly drew down on a guy. He’s running scams on unsuspecting, hurried patrons by parking his car at the pump, and panhandling for gas money in real-time.

He pulled the classic, “I’m a reverend,” line. That doesn’t work on me. Funny how the righteous will immediately attempt to fool you with their allegiance to the Christian god, but I digress.

“Me too!” I replied. “Look, buddy. I’m going through World War III, same as you, and I just want to get some fucking gas, dig?”

He reached for his pocket as his mind searched possible retorts, but ceased when he realized I’d already reached mine. I saw that very decision flicker in his eyes. He nodded, and walked away.

When my vision returned to normal (my Wolfpack will know of what I speak), I noticed my queen Cloudosaur filling her fucking Mini with no issues. She finished, noticed me, but I waived her on.

Something like that, but way cuter.

I called her and instructed her to get as far away from the gas stations as possible. No, there wasn’t necessarily a problem, so to speak. If anything, I was the problem, because I have a minimal tolerance for peoples’ bullshit in potentially serious situations. Our country is at war, again, and I’m as prepared as I can be.

I am thankful to the men in my family who’ve gone on before, and taught me to live without the comforts of most. I am also thankful for the stoned decision I made to join the Army back in 1997.

In a way, I’m thankful for the time I spent in law enforcement as well, but for totally different reasons. It taught me that: what a man can do in the name of god and power, a man will do in the name of god and power. Trust no one. Also, I credit the X Files with that, too.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt more alive in that moment than I have in most since my days as a soldier. All that training; regressed. Dormant. In waiting for someone’s wrong time.

Why do I feel like that moment’s growing nearer?

My focus grows narrower by the day.

As the feelings wane now in the protection and comfort of my home, I cleanse my soul with the deepest of exhales. Beware the eyes of a man who compares battles to orgasms.