The Gonzo Wolf

It’s that time of the year again when we make the annual Costco run. We stock up all at once for WWIII (which we’ve all been living in for four years already), and grab any electronics we’ll be needing for upcoming projects. Today, I upgraded to an 8k 360 degree action cam.

It’s not top of the line, but it wasn’t cheap. The cashier gave the cardboard space-holder to the runner for him to retrieve it from the secure storage, and that should’ve been that.

Now, I didn’t hear him say this, and my wife waited until we were halfway home to tell me. This guy, whoever he be, was spared via the Queen’s hand on this day, because the King would’ve beat his ass with one of those $1.50 hot dogs.

When he handed the box to my wife (this beautiful, heavy, masterpiece of an opaque mystery container), he said:

“I hope y’all enjoy using your (insert dollar amount) camera.”

WTF?

I heard him when he said it, but I was too far away to comprehend the words. The tone wasn’t joking; this cuck tried to insult my wife. She knew it, too, otherwise she would’ve signed his nose-warrant right then and there. She was well aware of what would happen if I’d known, and she condones it 90% of the time, but now’s not a good time to spend the night in jail. Insanity afoot, and I’m a broken, old hippie.

We work very hard to provide for our family, and we live very simple lives, but she runs circles around my worth. The last thing she needs is some poon laying into her for spending the money she earns. Some days, and some nights, “earns” is an understatement. She metaphorically bleeds for her career.

The guy was a tubby-ass Baby Huey lookin’, ginger twat, and stood out like a sore thumb against his quite colorful coworkers. It would suck if I accidentally dropped a hammer on this (insert dollar amount) camera and had to exchange it tomorrow morning. I’m one of those bad-ass Costco VIP members; no questions asked.

If you teach one, they’ll warn the others.

Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.

School will be in session for all soon enough – whether we like it or not – and punching is so overrated in 2026. Rip their throats out with your teeth. Instant immortality in the nightmare-laden minds of all children within ten miles of that store. A legend.

Goodnight.