Written by Rev. Dare Cloud
Cover photo by Sam Cloud Art Photography
All great stories begin with, “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,” and this one shall be no different.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I doubled as a professional fine art handler. Since I didn’t have a pilot’s license, that meant I drove the art to wherever it was going in a 39-foot-long box truck; standard tractor-trailer height. I’ve blown through all of Manhattan like a 5-Star felon fleeing in a tense game of GTA, stick shift; 10-speed-flip. My clutch-calf (left) is in amazing shape. I wouldn’t want to get kicked by me.
I have driven every road in every state of the continental United States in every kind of weather during every time of year. I’ve driven through Brooklyn alleys and up Colorado mountains. The term “Professional Driver” is an understatement. Don’t let the “trucker” stereotype fool you. I never took a shower at a truck stop, so I never transformed into full “trucker” mode. There were some lines I just wasn’t willing to cross. Still, professional drivers have my utmost respect.
Five straight years of Manhattan bumper-to-bumper in a 39 foot long, 13ft 6in tall, stick-shift monstrosity full of billions of dollars/nearly priceless art taught me honor and respect. It was as though everyone in New York City understood that their town was a complete and total mess, but they were all going to get through it with patience and synchronicity. It’s not one person’s fault that the traffic sucks. Granted, the obscenities and plethora of middle-fingers are just par for the course but, deep down, it’s the most famous traffic in the world. They take pride in that.
Now that I’m off the highways and retired, I’ve been driving Dallas traffic daily for a decade. I drive the interstates, the downtown streets, and the suburbs frequently, and the Dallas ailment is shared equally among them all. With nowhere near the amount of people, vehicles, and foot-traffic of NYC, the statistics reveal year after year that Dallas has some of the absolute worst drivers in the entire country. My combined years on the road validate those stats.
The problem? It has little to do with cars and more to do with the folks behind the wheel.
Dallas has no honor.
It’s a city built on blood and oil that seems to give two poops and a poke about tradition, history, or moving toward the future. I know that’s a contradicting statement, but somehow this bastard of a city seems to pull it off. It’s been racially segregated for generations via zip codes, rivers, and politics, then mismatched every ten years with a dose of gentrification. Ten years after that, when the upkeep fails and the investors move on, society’s minor financial increases allow the lower class to enjoy what the upper class didn’t break, and the process begins once more. A sprinkle of fairy dust here and there to keep the unwashed masses satiated; the thoughts of our billionaire overlords grows louder by the day.
To boot, most of the congestion is caused by the fifty mile commuters; raised by generations of football, war-stories, and ass-whoopin’s on the outskirts of the metroplex. They care not for our town’s cheap impression of the east coast’s “melting pot” cities, and the bumper stickers that fill their back glass drive that fact home. These guys were forced to learn the lyrics to “Try That In A Small Town” at vacation bible school, and they’re not beyond spitting a challenge upon the feet of the simpletons like you and me hoping for nothing but a better day for us and the ones we love. Drivers get followed home unaware and shot for cutting people off in traffic here. Yes, that happens everywhere now, but I think Dallas set the trend; probably copyrighted it.
It’s a pecking order, really. Whoever has the biggest truck and the best address wins in traffic. Highland Park-ians have actually learned to smell lower-income people at intersections like farts, or at least that’s the face they make when you make eye contact with them. It must suck to live your entire life in the same bubble. Collectively, we in Oak Cliff can only hope the asteroid lands directly on top of us, just so it will slow-roast the Park Cities.
Because of the lifestyle the poor residents of Dallas are forced to live from birth, we mutate into some type of human shaped “sigh” with no sense of respect for our fellow men, women, and man-women – did I cover all the bases? You can see them in the new high-rise condos walking their fluffy dogs here and there, hating every second of being outdoors, but it’s not their fault they’re going through “servant withdrawal”. No one to boss around and make feel the lesser? Get a dog! Nature’s solution to the white man’s need to control living souls…but I digress.
Because of that, and the gatekeeper Tesla poons zooming to the links at eight-freaking-a.m. in the morning, Dallas is a black hole of traffic hell; all roads. All lanes. Dallas is an hour from Dallas.
Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.
Truth be known, I didn’t really want to write about traffic. We’re going to get there somehow, someway, as one. All of us. Except the ones we have to kill to get there. They won’t count toward the total.
Math.
Also, don’t forget your book!
Today’s offering?
July 31, 2025
It’s Here! Saddle Up!
Like audiobooks? Like the old west? Like the scary/gory? If you answered “yes”, then this is your lucky day. Now you can hear my western-horror story “Ma’s ‘Sketti” narrated by a brilliant voice actor!
Tumble Bleed hits Audible!!!
What do you get when fabulous western authors blend a twist of terror into their western stories and horror authors add a touch of the American Old West to their scary horror tales?
Featuring story contributions from such talented authors as Christine Morgan, James H Longmore, Eric Butler, Megan Stockton, B.L. Blankenship, Aaron Lebold, Jon Steffens, Paul Avery Tindol, Cory Andrews, Rev Dare Cloud, Chris Mullen, Dan Henk, Wile E. Young, Holly Rae Garcia, Matt Micheli, Candace Nola, and Merrill David.
This collection will contain plenty of chronicles of cowboys, settlers, and outlaws exploring the western frontier and taming the Wild West. With all of that being said, listen to this collection ONLY if you’re prepared to Tumble and BLEED!
©2025 Merrill David (P)2025 Merrill David
The Gonzo Wolf 
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