The Gonzo Wolf

Stop!

Stop. Right now. Stop reading and really comprehend what you’re about to see.

I was sitting in the porch swing, conversing with trees, when I felt the sudden urge for Porch Swing Poetry.

My wife and I have steadily prepped for winter weather since the ‘great Dallas snow-pocalypse of 2021’. There’s only a couple of things to do tomorrow, and we’ll have electricity and heat no matter how fast our governor can’t roll on that giant hamster wheel in Austin we call a “grid”. We trust no one anymore.

I’m sure there are many couples like us in the Dallas area who remain at the same level of readiness. Then…there’s the others. The ones who are running through the stores like they’re about to relive the pilot episode of The Walking Dead.

Those people always have a certain…identity? Brand?

Anyway, if you’re easily grossed-out or offended, read no further. Also, don’t come back here. Ever. It only gets worse.

Reality’s students cram against the coming storm

Cracker-Katie & the Baseball Dads ravage milk like a “Nooner” between Sunday services

Lil Billy Bastard got the Noah’s Ark Lego Set; lemme hit it

Dent those tonsils until it’s hail-damaged; worthy of an insurance check

Choke out a GOLLUM grungier than an Andy Serkis orgasm

We all face the storm in different ways…

I literally laughed out loud to the “choke out a Gollum” line. If I tried, it could eventually become a Lord of the Rings pop-culture replacement for oral sex.

I should probably go wash my hands now.