Is it like this for everyone? I can’t ask anyone else because no one speaks to me. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. Even complete strangers, who I’ve never screwed over, act as though they can see right through me. I think we all died on Y2K. I wished for this at some point. I made my family disappear.

Seriously, we glitched, and nothing’s been the same since.

1999 was a banner year. We got The Phantom Menace, The Matrix, and The Mummy all within weeks of each other, and the Y2K threat was in full tilt. Maybe not for the civilian world – save a conspiracy nut or two – but I was knee deep in my military tour at Fort Huachuca, AZ.

Those three films and being on alert are the only things I ever mention from that year. Looking back, I kick myself in the ass for leaving Arizona, but I never would’ve met my Sam. A Frodo is nothing without his Sam.

That year, though…

My wife (then) was having a long-term affair with one of my subordinates who lived in the barracks. The guy worked directly beneath me. There’s so much more to that chapter I’ll save for some other day; if ever. At that same time, I was fighting my chain of command all the way to the very top on something I felt strongly about: Anthrax.

Not the metal band; they kick ass. No, I mean the disease.

My unit rotated in and out of world hot spots known for its chemical weapons threats. So, some quack mixed up an Anthrax vaccine. It was mandatory. I wasn’t an anti-vaxer, but even with my limited knowledge of such things during the early-internet years, I knew it wasn’t good. There were enough examples.

Not at first, mind you. Suddenly, soldiers were beating the shit out of each other and going blind from taking Anthrax shots. It was all in the media back then, military magazines and Army Times, and I’m sure people are still fighting against it today. I would’ve paid more attention, but I completely forgot these incidents happened until just a moment ago during dinner.

I fought my chain of command for nearly a year in an attempt to resist the Anthrax vaccine. I was already injured, working on my DD214, and thought taking an experimental vaccine was stupid. I was leaving soon. What was the point?

It mattered not. I was a number.

After the first shot turned me into a cranky bitch, I denied the second one until I was threatened with punishment. That’s when everything changed.

The day following the second shot, I was arrested and taken to jail for the first time in my life. The details are inconsequential for now, but it resulted in a Field-Grade Article 15 and all the fun prizes which accompany it.

I fought the final shot until they threatened me with jail time. I was a father of three with no other choice. The weekend after the third shot, I provoked a bar fight near Tombstone. That’s an ‘old west’ badge of honor I’ll wear for life, but I don’t remember my life being much the same after that.

Well, according to how this particular piece began, I didn’t even remember the year 1999, other than cheating spouses, pod races, and “there is no spoon”. And Y2K. No, I didn’t get to metaphorically party in pure Prince fashion. I partied like the computers were going to come to life and planes would fall from the sky.

Then, there were those shenanigans about experimental Anthrax vaccines. Potentially the new millinium’s MK Ultra. It was a damn good bar fight. I think that’s what happened. My wife grilled these incredible steaks and, when I tasted that perfectly roasted flesh against my teeth and tongue, it brought forth memories of a soldier believed long dead.

Hell, I’m the only one who can prove his existence, and I’m not even sure what happened. Wait until I decide to tell you about the time I saw the UFO on Thunder Mountain and how AAFES duped me out of my photo negatives.

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