The Gonzo Wolf

At exactly what point do we send two Jedi to negotiate? Can you imagine it? Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are speaking with The President, he double-crosses them, and they’re forced to meet Donald Trump down on the planet’s surface because heesa being banished. See what I did there?

My oldest daughter claims I’ve lost my “whimsey”. I fought the accusation at first, but I get it now. I was what people considered a funny guy once, then I just turned vile, hateful, and disgusting. I think it coincides with the stroke I never knew I had in 2013, or it could be the fact the rich and powerful no longer have ANY repercussions. I don’t remember a ton of funny shit past that 2013 – 2016 era, and I don’t recall wanting to share much of it either. Just book stuff and crotch jokes. I’d love to go back to that place at some point in what remains of my life, but Don Don Stinks is still running the show. I refuse to let my guard down now.

I’m scheduled to come out of my latest funk tomorrow morning at 0630. I know this, because I told myself it’s going to happen whether I like it or not. I have a script to rewrite, and one final thing to scratch off my bucket list: seeing my name in the credits of a film on a big screen. Originally that dream was to be accompanied by a sold-out theater in my hometown with everyone I know invited. Twenty years later, that’s going to be a dark, empty place. The kind of film premiere when you can hear pins drop and ushers break wind. FLOTUS knows what I mean.

Sure, I still poke and jest, but it’s all a bunch of cryptic nonsense just to see who may be on the same wavelength. For example: Do you know where Spatula City comes from? I’ve referenced it since I was a teenager, and only a handful of people ever got the joke; no one lately. That’s why my circle was small. Now, my circle is a straight line – with a few squiggles here and there so I don’t seem like a perfectionist poon – and no one claims to know anything. Is No Man’s Sky a game or an interactive metaphor for my deepest desires?

I never once thought we’d be the bad guys of World War III, nor would it be the fault a poor man’s version of the Beverly Hillbillies. The Phantom Menace was never as relevant as it is today. The jerks who didn’t understand the prequels are the Bantha Poodoo who made it all happen. Enjoy your Imperial invasion. I’ll be in the lower-levels if you need me.

Wanna buy some Death Sticks?