- When I see a black man driving a King Ranch truck, should I offer him a history lesson? And, do you think he’d sell it afterwards? I’m thinking “no”, because most people are only forward-thinking and loyal when the cameras are rolling.
- I’ve noticed I’ll play-down my pain levels rather than be honest, because I was taught showing pain makes you less of a man.
- I’ve lost five pounds in the last two weeks. If I were some Starbucks soccer mom in a mini van, I’d tweet about it…but everybody poops. There’s even a book.
- I know time travel doesn’t get invented in my lifetime. If it did, I would’ve found a way to convince George Lucas to end Binks by having Anakin run him through while protecting the Youngling’s. Noble AF.
- Why does Fender design their guitar picks in the same pattern and colors of traditional drug rugs? They’re lost forever, until they’re not.
- People shouldn’t own pets that sh*t bigger than they do.
- My home pizza: thin crust, peppered ham, pineapple, homemade jalapeño & onion relish, pepper jack cheese, and a cream cheese base instead of marinara. It’ll turn you into a freaking super hero in the bathroom.
- I’d hate to know I was feared as a grandparent. Instead, wealthy, religious nuts want to double down. When they die, I really hope the hand of their god scoops them from the coffin, otherwise they were loathed on Earth for no reason. Man, what a gamble.
- I just noticed new scratches on my front door lock. Please, come in. I need to release the springs in my magazines, otherwise they compress over time.
- Somewhere in Austin, there’s a liar on a balcony. It’s never too early.
The Last 10 Odd Things That Ran Through My Mind (sponsored by modern society)
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