Hallmark Moments

First off, how frightening is that cover photo? AI read this piece and spit that out. Lots of horrors on the horizon, folks. Society could use the shake-up…

Calm before the storm

Inhale before nature’s scream

I feel it all around me

I smell it in the air

She washes us away one or two at a time

But we fuck right back

The three Latino sisters are screaming because it was the morning dog-out and the schizophrenic from upstairs was backing out of the driveway

We cant have nice things

Now I must begin the morning ritual from the start

Tainted juju from behind

2 minute minor penalty for dammit

Let’s try again…

The air thickened

Dropped a noticeable few

The sky darkens

Bring it, bitch

You can’t spell Washington without “wash” , and they could all use quite the scrubbing (in my best Mrs. Doubtfire voice)

Lots of other words in there, but I digress

Our government is a lice infestation ignored by a white trash mother

That’s why our founding fathers wore wigs; they had to shave their goddamn heads to remove the metaphorical parasites crawling within, fornicating and multiplying atop their hairy flesh, writhing and moaning in a frequency unheard by everyone except the bearer

A microscopic whore-house only a pincer’s pinch from our brains

It’s been 250 years; we’re due

Better make an appointment with D

D Barber

Spark to match, flame to bowl

One more verse before I go

Treebeard awaits his drink; a real one

Not the tainted Trinity toxins that navigate these soils

Cloud filtered – shaken, not stirred

Harvested abroad

Reminding us all that one of the best selling fiction stories of all time involved a dude, some animals, and a thunderstorm

If your door code is 20 characters, are you paranoid much?

Asking for Schizzy; he just came home

Rain, animals, boats; didn’t that story get ripped off by Tommy and Pam?

Speaking of love, happy V Day!

Go forth and find V

Or Y, depending on how she’s laying

Sometimes an L, or an R if she’s flexible

When was the last time you looked into your significant other’s eyes and really cherished them?

She truly saved me from death, or at least helped me ward it off a bit longer. I don’t fear it, I welcome it, but not in a violent, sudden way. This world bores me, and I long for the next leg of the adventure, but I’m not a fan of pain.

Also, I wouldn’t want to leave without a proper goodbye to mine, if there is such a thing

If it’s ghosts, I’ll find a way to be

If it’s aliens, I’ll be that strange light among the stars you see on every midnight highway

Man, how deep was that?

IYKYK

It’s going to be a wet Valentine’s Day in Dallas

All puns intended

Go forth and squirt something on someone you love, if only accidentally

How many Hallmark-worthy quotes can one piece have?