Good morning, all you shiny, happy people. Allow me to set the tone…
I’ve got this spinning on vinyl next to me, and it’s truly reflecting the day. I caught glimpse of someone sizing up the moat, and I ventured to meet them with the Noisy Cricket. Luckily, it was only the HOA guy, who was waiting on an inspector from the City of Dallas. Condo ownership is freaking weird, my peeps. Maybe if I can get them ripped, they’ll knock that damned squirrel off my bird feeder. Life through the blinds has its charms. Get off my lawn!!!
I noticed the local price of gas in my neighborhood this morning, and it’s the highest within my lifetime. Yes, I’ve purchased higher on both coasts a decade ago, but home-price was always much lower. My daily piece of wise-old-sage advice is to keep an eye on your gas caps, folks. The thieves draw nigh, if they’ve not arrived already. Time for the true tests of those Texas State gun defense laws. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the ignorant beginnings of the next apocalypse.
If there’s anything the Trump administration did for me – both administrations – it’s that it gave me the vision to see through the fractures in my lifelong “American” interpretations of how we, collectively, are better than everyone else in the world. As a kid, I mean. Contrary to the popular beliefs of millions of dead Pepaw’s, The United States is an increasingly more obvious illusion; puppet-mastered by wealthy morons. They’re all rolling in their graves in unison like a chorus line and, secretly, they kind of like it.
“Them frilly panties caress my brown-eye like a long, lost friend…”
Even when I served in the military during the late nineties, I believed no country in the world would ever have the audacity to initiate a major terror attack on American soil. I can’t count the number of times we drank to that, but that’s mostly because those nights are blurry. Every weekend?
September 11th, 2001 proved me wrong.
Since then, my red-white-and blue colored glasses have slipped from center-mass quite a bit. It was the pandemic and January 6th that forced me to throw them from my face in disbelief, scrub them egregiously, and return them to their rightful place atop my nose in hopes of a clearer view. Nope; those goddamn things are broken. We’re a bit of an inside joke on the world stage, and I often find myself on the side of the room doing the laughing. I didn’t seek to lose my American pride, they just didn’t give me much of a choice.
I’ve learned much about myself over the past decade, but I’ve learned even more about society in general. Through those same, fresh eyes, I’ve witnessed the flaws in our government, the failures of our infrastructure, the laughable chest-beating of our military strength, the obvious holes in our religions, and the hard truth about how most southern super hero baseball mom’s smoke more meat on the side than Terry Blacks.
The true villains of our world are mere caricatures of things George Lucas and Marvel comics artists wiped their asses with and smack-stacked on the cutting room floor. I mean, why subject the world to such tom-foolery? Our overlords have money, though. Not Bruce Wayne money, but definitely Silver Spoons. Those indoor-railroad, bleached-white, secret monthly child support checks to the Sanchez family abominations tell us what to do.
And then we discover that the Sanchez family voted for them in the last election; metaphorically.
Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon. Everything has value, and everyone has needs. When the line drawn between man and animal blurs, there’s no going back. The clowns who make our lives unbearable to begin with want our free labor. The system isn’t broken; it’s operating on the parameters in which it was designed. Perfected by Pepaws.
Want to help support The Gonzo Wolf? Buy and review some fiction!
To most, 1865 was an eye-opening year. The American Civil War was officially over and the soldiers fortunate enough to survive the bloody conflict returned home to collect the pieces of their former lives. To young Arizonan, Robert Jack, the fateful desert homecoming marked the end to all he once knew. Forgiveness is overrated. Death is final. Revenge, however, dances between the fine lines of mortality and eternity. Love always finds a way.
“Reading Jim Walker and the Redemption Hymn is equal parts quirky fun and riveting action. Cloud’s confident, entertaining voice draws the reader in like an old radio western: the perfect bite-sized story with a main character you’re ready to follow through every adventure he finds himself on. So, tune in next time…”
– Megan Stockton, author of Lovely, Dark & Deep
The history books would read that Jim Walker was brutally executed after the Battle of Goliad, but a few promises in the right ear blurred the contrast between blood and ink. Now an aging bounty hunter on the verge of retirement, his services are requested in the Northern Arizona Territory to solve the terrifying mystery of the Verde River Massacre. With guns from a local Deputy, courage from a saloon proprietor, and a deathbed confession from an all-too-familiar Medicine Woman, Jim sets off on what could be his final adventure. Will he lay the ghosts of his past to rest once and for all, or is he simply whistling his Redemption Hymn?
“Someone call DC and tell them this is how you write a female hero character!” – Lisa Lee Tone, Bibliophelia Templum
Angel Burns is a young firefighter with a shrouded history. During a routine night at work, she stumbles upon a demonic ceremony that brings her memories out of hiding – as well as her repressed supernatural powers. Angel soon learns her life was intended for things greater than extinguishing fires for mortals. Now on the payroll of the Vatican, Angel embarks upon an epic quest to protect the Gutenberg Bibles from evil. If successful, she will secure peace for generations. If she fails, the power of the ancient books will bestow an eternity of darkness upon all humanity!
Toby Liberman is nearing the end of his rope. After a fateful confrontation with his wife’s lover, he is chased into the woods only to be discovered by an unidentifiable creature. He is attacked and rendered unconscious. Upon waking at the scene of a gruesome triple homicide, Toby is arrested as the sole suspect and thrown into a jail cell with a strange man that knows way too much about his predicament. The stranger reveals to Toby that he now possesses the curse of the werewolf. Using his new-found strength to flee his captors, Toby begins to discover that things are not what they seem in the sleepy town of Twin Oaks, TX. Now hunted by law enforcement, as well as the town’s gun toting civilians, Toby seeks vengeance against his false accusers and embarks upon a quest to clear his name once and for all.
A Curse Beyond Comprehension. A Power Beyond Belief. A Girl Far From Home. Katie Liberman is your typical eighteen-year-old college student…or at least that’s what her family thinks. Picking up five years after the events of A Taste of Home, Katie has dropped out of school and embarked upon a dangerous quest to find Kurt Jimmerson, the New York City attorney responsible for her family’s werewolf curse. Unknown to her, the attorney’s grip on the ‘City That Never Sleeps’ is tighter than imagined and she’ll need any and all help available to be victorious. But… where do you find friends when you’re Far From Home?
Twin Oaks, Texas is at war! Taking place immediately after the Far From Home events in New York City, Katie Liberman has returned to rescue her birthplace from the clutches of her nemesis. As the paranormal battle of North vs. South rages in the shadows, the tiny town must decide to fight against the odds or become one with the darkness. Blood will be shed and only one will survive as the final battle of the Home Series concludes.
I know this is the part where I’m supposed to talk about the book, but I feel as though the synopsis needs its own preface to truly understand. 2023 was quite an eye-opening year! I began it by living my dream as a vintage steam locomotive fireman, but that dream was soon squashed thanks to my writing career. It won’t matter that you wrote your extreme horror offerings years ago and under a pen name. Also, it won’t matter that your publisher and author friends from days gone by express pleasantries and kind, nurturing words to your face, because they’ll clique-up and talk trash the minute you turn your back. F**k the biz, create. Create for art, not clicks. Click for love, not hate. Those are words true artists should have no issues living by, yet most seem to hide behind their keyboard shields, flinging ill-thought words of destruction toward once-trusted ears. Don’t pour something into everything; pour everything into something. Do it all by yourself if necessary. With any luck, 2024 will be the year of The Reverend. I’m not exactly sure what that means yet, but we’ll find out together. Anyway, here are a few short stories and poems I wrote as C. Derick Miller in 2023. I stole them from myself. Fair and square. Enjoy.
Poetry has always come naturally to me. Whether it is an expression of emotion toward someone I care about, or a display of humor pointed in the direction of those I loathe, it is my true outlet. Several of these works were written in a passenger seat while exploring the highways of the United States and somehow managed to survive “The Great Ex-Wife/Ex-Girlfriend Poetry Purge” of 2019. Others were penned during COVID-19 quarantine. Although it may not be the most epic poetry collection you’ve ever read, it all contains bits of blood and soul. You will feel something. Guaranteed.
“This profound collection of horror brings classic monsters into new light in the modern day” – B.L. Blankenship, God Walks The Dark Hills series.
The modern world is a crazy place. Worrying about childish politicians, empty grocery store shelves, and our pending membership to the “global disease of the week” club, it leaves very little time for the average reader to finish an entire novel. This is where Six from Five Seven: Short Stories from a Short Man comes in clutch! A story per day to keep the impending apocalypse away, with a single day left over to contemplate why you purchased this book in the first place. That sounds like an entertaining week when compared to the one you were destined to have regardless. What do a cursed husband, a privileged brat, a curious prostitute, a repressed savior, a vengeful son, and two hell-bound soldiers have in common? Their stories lie within the pages of this collection and invite you to tag along on their journeys of fate, redemption, and demise. When finished, you, dear reader, can hide this book inside your basement with the rest of those important documents you wished you’d never taken home. The FBI won’t be happy, but at least they’ll know you’re a cool person for owning a copy while conducting the raid. That must count for something, right? Let’s hope the judge thinks so!
Also, there’s a few other things not listed here that are floating around out there. Best of luck with the hunt.
Current Projects
Rev. Dare Cloud
Reverend · adjective. worthy of adoration or reverence. synonyms: sublime · sacred.
is a Dallas author, musician, and gonzo journalist. Some of his works include the controversial splatter-western Starving Zoe (written as C. Derick Miller), the Taste of Home trilogy, and the ongoing Jim Walker series. He is also the co-host of the American Justice Podcast and Senior Writer/Junior Producer for AtuA Productions LLC. His literary crushes are (of course) Hunter S. Thompson, J.D. Salinger, and Kevin Smith. Preach truths, toke jokes, and shoplift Amazon.
“You’ve got to press it on you You’ve just been thinking That’s what you do, baby Hold it down, Dare!” – Gorillaz
The Gonzo Wolf 
Leave a comment